MyAddictions

Then again

2010-12-04T02:04:00.001+08:00

I am sad
I wanna cry
I am crying.

2010-09-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

I am always a little girl. Dont know anything. You are always right.

You always bring my hopes high, then take it back.

i will be...

2010-08-17T02:19:00.000+08:00

I will be your favorite HELLO

& your hardest GOODBYE.

trying

2010-07-14T23:23:00.001+08:00

I am trying very hard to be happy.

I am still trying.

:)

2010-07-14T04:14:00.001+08:00

I am happy.
Can things stay alittle longer more?
Just like this?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

2010-07-12T02:39:00.001+08:00

second

2010-07-08T00:30:00.002+08:00

To Mel : Others come first, Mel second

To Others : Others come first, Mel still second :)

It was what I expected

2010-07-03T03:52:00.001+08:00

There was a room
With only 4 walls
Nothing else and was in total darkness
A door was built soon after
But things got worst
Now, decision of the door being remove was made
But it never succeed.
Plan B, install locks instead of removing the door.
Maybe it will be alot better.

whatever it is

2010-07-01T01:39:00.000+08:00

Yah, I am pushing myself too hard.

Yah, I am trying my very best.

Yah, I tried my best to conceal every negative feeling and be happy

Yah, I tried so hard till I couldnt handle the fatigue

Yet, I am still trying.

& Yah, here am I trying to make myself happy.

Smile MEL. (FUCK)

thou ; thy

2010-06-23T04:56:00.002+08:00

Doubt thou the stars are fire,

Doubt the sun doth move,

Doubt truth to be a liar

but never doubt thy love.

enough

2010-06-22T03:25:00.002+08:00

I just can't get enough of you ♥♥

; is always never enough ♥

Happenings

2010-06-21T04:55:00.000+08:00

Mel has been pretty much a busy girl. Mass working and school is starting. Well, love this kinda life now. Currently employed with Shiseido. Pretty fun working there, learnt slot of new stuff and how to deal with different kinds of weird customers. Of course, I have great collegues to work with. I really hope things will stay on like that :)

World cup!!!!! Kaka is so handsome!!! His smile is mesmerizing me totally and he got red card!!!!! What the fuck can. 1 game cannot see him. Damn emo can!!! Brasil ; ivory coast 3-1! Hearts to Brazil. Though I still personally thinks that 3-0 will be nicer. Lol lol.

Somethings are not meant to be regretted, or meant to be said. What is over is over. This was your choice in the first place. So, you have to live with it. I am so sorry. I will never want to live in such agony again. Currently, I am happy with what I have and this will not change. You might meant the whole world to me once. But you shattered that dream of mine, and had me helpless for quite sometime. So sorry, I don't want to bring myself back again. I am really sorry.

You might not be expressing
But I do feel it
Thanks for the world's best breakfast
I really appreciate it :)

2010-06-16T01:36:00.001+08:00

How to be happy? Teach me.

busy busy damn busy

2010-05-18T01:12:00.001+08:00

ZOMG! super duper busy. Juggling with 2 jobs, beauty class. Like Wed, Thurs is beauty class. The rest day working. No off day at all. But well I am not complaining. Life is good like that, everyday I have something to do. If I happened to have a off then will rest. Though I am afraid that I might not have extra time for other stuff and also cant really study much for my beauty course. SO MANY THINGS TO REMEMBER CAN!

& sorry FAMYITING I cant meet you. I WILL FIND TIME SOONNNN.

LOL

2010-05-04T02:24:00.002+08:00

BOYS ARE STUPID, THROW STONES AT THEM.

MEL IS RETARD, THROW ROCKS AT HER!

Actually.

2010-05-02T06:32:00.000+08:00

我很不开心

我不知道你在想什么

我不知道该怎么做

我没有勇气面对

Making some progress

2010-04-24T04:13:00.002+08:00

& yes after much decision. I decided to continue studying at SIM, RMIT, Business Management. Seriously went through alot of WUHA. This and that and, whatever it is, decision is made. Application close on the 26/4, and I made my application on 23/4. Also, I decided to take up beauty therapy course at TOP TO TOE. Then later on make up course. Dont ask me why, is my interest :) Which girl dont wanna look pretty, seriously.

&&& I went to Far East today with Jetson. Went to explore the top floor. Okay I haven been to the top floor of Far East before SERIOUSLY. I know I damn mountain turtle. & guess what, I found myself a awesome Japanese Restaurant. The environment look like those eating place in Japan where you eat around the chef. I dont really know how to explain. & is really quite nice comparing to those commercialise Japanese restaurants. Go try it next time, WASABI TEI :)

My usual salmon don

Jetson's unagi

Haven have time to blog, busy working I guess. Work and work like crazy. If anyone wants skin care products or advice can come find me :)

if only.......

2010-04-17T04:55:00.000+08:00

If only I am a little stronger, had a little more courage & less coward........ Things will be so much better. But I am weak, no confident & super duper coward, thats why things are like that. It was all excuses that I didnt wanna rush things. It was an excuse for me to feel better, also not having the courage to face it. Well, IF ONLY..........................................................

FUCK ME, SERIOUSLY

COWARD!!

sometimes, I wonder

2010-04-05T23:59:00.001+08:00

If abide my decision, will you wait for me, or will you let go?

I dont have the courage to ask.

When everything is confirm, then I pop the question :)

At least if I get a negative answer, I can run far away.

Things I wanna say

2010-04-02T22:35:00.001+08:00

I dont know what to say and what to do. Not doing anything is doing something. I just wanna tell you dont worry okay, everything will be fine. Well, I dont know what can I do now though or rather there is nothing I can do. Maybe this is the best I can do.

Well, Thanks :)

2010-04-01T15:28:00.002+08:00

I know my blog post are rather emo-momo nowadays. Well, I feel that I need to like say it out somewhere. People might think like this girl is attention seeking or whatsoever. I DONT GIVE A DAMN! At least after spamming on my-addictions.blogspot.com. I feel better :) & I got a really nice comment, but sadly is anonymous. I hope like people leave their names down when they comment so I can thank them. The comment goes:

life isn't always bright and sunny but it's not all grey and gloomy either. look around, i believe there's someone who is willing to share your thoughts. :)

ps:u bring much life into your blog, someone will do likewise to u too.

Thanks lots. Is really encouraging. But I dont think that I bring life to my blog. I think I bought more sadness if my blog is a living thing. AHAHAHAHAS. Always say all the sad and angry stuff to her. Even if she is happy and lively I think by now she is like gloomy and stuff. & the advice is really good. Maybe after saying all these, tomorrow I might will be sad again and stuff. Which I know is quite irritating. Well I will try my best not to :)

I just remembered,

There is always a rainbow after a storm

Is just whether you see it or not.

Life.

2010-03-31T02:31:00.000+08:00

Just when I needed someone,

I got turned away again.

Well, is time to get used to it.

It always happens isn't it.

I am alone, always.

How nice would it be

If just 1 person know what are you thinking.

& I wont be a puppet of my life.

If someone will be nice and kind enough

To step into my shoes, & know what am I thinking.

Feel what am I going through,

Then judge me.

I am just useless and helpless now.

Updates

2010-03-29T17:48:00.000+08:00

I noticed that I haven been updating my blog properly about my life. I didnt blog anything about my Thailand trip, the new job I found and alot of stuff. The only things I update are those unimportant stuff. It might be a little outdated but here it is. (Is actually VERY outdated.)

Thailand Trip. (27/2 - 1/3) Super outdated post
The steamboat the night before was great. Thanks for those who came. I was pretty shocked that almost all came. I thought no one would turn out. AHAHAHAHAHAS. & thanks YITING FAM, JETSON & BRANDON for sending me and Sheryl off to Thailand. I did whine when the plane is landing. My ears hurt.

Day 1, we went chaktuchak to shop. Is like MASS SHOPPING can! zomg things there are nice and cheap the food is damn good. The awesome PADTHAI. Is like super nice and cheap!! Just shop like no tomorrow. SERIOUSLY. Then went back to our hotel area to eat a famous curry crab. IT JUST TASTE SO GOOD. A medium crab, tomyam soup & 5 big awesome price cost like 40 bucks in total. IS SUPER CHEAP. Massage after that.

Day 2, went to pray in the morning. Then went platinum & MBK, both places was like BORING. We ended up at chaktuchak again. But this time not able to buy much, cause we went quite late and alot of shops started closing. Ended up at JJ Mall, did my nails and is like less then 10 bucks. I think is like 7 or 8 bucks. While walking back to take train, we found out that chaktuchak was still open and we buy like free again :) Dinner was at Huat Lee to have sharkfin & abalone which only cost us in total of 30 bucks. Then massage after that.

Day 3, since we went back to platinum as there is nothing much to do already, we went to just pray for the last time. Finally found Yiting's bracelet. Went back hotel to bathe then check out. Ate at Huat Lee again for sharkfin & abalone. Last massage and headed to airport.

I am a happy girl. I shopped like FREE :)

Next up DND. Galardeon Not Every Other Night. 25-03-10

Last Thursday was DND and was like seriously not very good. Last year's was really awesome. Everything was good. This year's was like made for SU own friends? LOL. Actually is close to horrible. I felt that I wasted my time. Anyways went with awesome people. Jun Ting in her super pretty dress, Kaven with a nice blazer & Irfan with a unique pair of jeans.

Lastly, Congratulation Clara. Have a blissful marriage:)

P.S YITING FAM! I will post your post next time. TOO LONG AHAHAAHHAHAS :)

what is the point?

2010-03-23T00:41:00.001+08:00

What is the point of doing my best for everything?

What is the point for trying so hard?

Tell me what is the point.

Am I happy in the end?

What did I get in the end?

AHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHS.

& I am not going to ask anything

Ever again.

Girls

2010-03-21T22:53:00.000+08:00

I found these both of facebook. It is true for to a certain extend. But guys and girls are the same. Dont you think so too? :)

MEL

2010-03-21T01:15:00.001+08:00

I am happy that you finally could move on and not saying those stupid things already. Somehow it hurts a little but I still feel happy that you are happy. Maybe to you everything is just the past. But to me, they are not past, they are something I held dear. I know is damn retarded saying all this. I know is damn pointless saying all this. But yah, I still miss you as much, though I let go of the relationship already. I dont have much of a choice.

这一场支离破碎的梦
是不是你想要的结果
伤口再痛, 痛不过,背叛的伤痛

Save me from myself

2010-03-19T00:13:00.004+08:00

My love is tainted by your touch

Well some guys have shown me aces

But you’ve got that royal flush

Save me from myself - Christina Aguilera

Glasses

2010-03-18T01:07:00.000+08:00

So I went to spec hut to adjust my glasses cause is getting really uncomfortable. & the sales girl broke 1 side of the nose bridge metal. Not really sure how to describe which part. Then the other more experienced one said she will change a frame for me. So when she tried to adjust, the same thing happened to the same part of the nose bridge. LOL LOL. So end up, I have to sent my glasses for repair and they gave me a complimentary of a 2 weeks contacts. And 2 pair of daily contacts. So nice of them. Good service.

I set my eye on a Burberry bag. & I fucking going to buy it. :)

C & C

2010-03-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

I don't ask doesn't mean I don't care.

Deep inside I am dying to know.

But I am respecting you, I am afraid I asked something I shouldn't.

Actually I do care alot, do you know?

Sad

2010-03-11T04:13:00.001+08:00

I am sad. FUCKING SAD!

Something to do

2010-03-10T02:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, I found a job finally. I need to improve on how I take care of my face. Means spending more on facial products. Well, I guess to be pretty you have to put in effort. Drink more water, sleep more, eat properly, skip all the unhealthy and oily food. Products wise, find stuff that suits your skin, anti-aging serum. Make up wise, wash brushes everyday. Blah Blah Blah the list goes on. I promise I will put a little more effort.

I found this somewhere online, somehow is true.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"

如果...

2010-03-08T01:56:00.004+08:00

如果时间能倒转

回到我们相识的时候

我不会做出一样的选择

那就不会像现在一样

进退两难，互相矛盾

也不会那么的不开心

如果那时候的我能更坚强

可能我会比较开心

不会像现状的我，那么困扰

我要的只是一个答案

那我不会越陷越深

因为爱得越深

心越会疼

傻瓜

2010-03-07T03:18:00.001+08:00

傻瓜我们都一样

被爱情伤了又伤

相信这个他不一样

却又再一次受伤

Random

2010-03-04T02:04:00.000+08:00

原来一厢情愿是这样子

我才发现

I am no superwomen

I am only human

An ordinary one.

hair :)

2010-02-25T18:20:00.000+08:00

I borrowed a curling tong from Sheryl and was mass playing with it yesterday and today. Since my hair is already all dry and dead, so I decided to play with it more before I cut when I come back from Thailand :) & I am going to try DIY mask for my hair and face. Going to use all food :) Nope I am not going to use any facial products. &&& I am so going to get a bottle of EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL. I am thinking, should I perm my hair for good? I admit I do look 10 years older. LOL.

So, curly or straight hair? If I cant decide again or afraid that I might regret. Then I will just go get a curling tong :)

So, what am I to you?

Tell me.

a little comparison

2010-02-22T23:29:00.001+08:00

I was playing with Mr Lai's phone and cam-whoring away. No make up on, so I wanna make a little comparison, what is the difference between make up and without. I wanna improve on my make-up skills. Just like another other girls, I wanna look good. HAHAS.

Here it is:

Lets ignore my cutie little green yoshi for once.

I think the only difference is that my eyes are more prominent and they look less tired. After make-up my skin tone is more or less more even too. Other then that. OMG there is no difference. I still look the same. zzzzzzz. Why is it so??? My skills are HORRIBLE :(

the weight of friendship

2010-02-21T19:58:00.000+08:00

Now I know the weight of our friendship. Is nothing compared to a girl. Whatever she say seems to be right and I am always in the wrong. Seriously, I am disappointed in all of you. When your family business needed help, no matter how tired I was, I dragged myself to help. To you, all this seems to be nothing. I guess just get used to it. I thought you were different, but actually you are all the same.

This is what you call friend?
Now I know.
Laugh all you want.

Friendship, is just as weak as glass.

I thought ours is different,

it ends up to be the same.

3rd Anniversary at powerhouse

2010-02-21T02:59:00.000+08:00

Went for 3rd anniversary at powerhouse yesterday. Got the invitation from Jerry but well, member do not need the invitation and I didnt know. How lame can I be. Met up with Calvin and gang. Drank like free took hell lots of photos. &&& it was like super crowded. Met up quite a number of people. Jing Sheng & Nic, Kai Feng & gang, Yiting & Brandon, K & Macus, Jiao & gang, Jetson & gang and I cant remember. But OMG! I saw CORNELYUS THERE. Super duper long last friend. Know him since primary school and the last time I saw him was like 2 years ago.

The music was good, the setup was great. Best nights of all :)

Cause you're sweeter then apple pie ♥

there goes CNY

2010-02-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

I didnt do much of a visiting this year. I did my last visiting today. It was just 1 relative though. & I haven studied for exams yet. Plus my computer is in bad shape now. I can sense that it might break down and die anytime. ZOMG how???

摄影是能让瞬间变成永恒的魔法

Valentine Day

2010-02-16T03:32:00.000+08:00

Valentine was like, I dont know, mixed? I am happy that I manage to see WeiJing. Like more after half a year ago was the last time I saw him. Maybe he had never left me. I just cant explain the feeling when I saw him. My valentine day was horrible. Someone rewinded & replayed it for me. Thanks. Though you keep reminding that it is just for the sake of valentine. But yah, thanks :)

I miss you so much,
Till I cant comprehend,
What is going on.

CNY

2010-02-14T03:21:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL!

新年快乐！

Though CNY is a chore to me now. But well I still need to wish everyone a good year ahead. I haven't buy my new year clothing. Only a set. & my room isnt that neat. I dont give a damn. My mood is horrible. My temper is super duper hot. Whats wrong?

Staying at home

Just dont feel good anymore.

See her everyday just sucks.

Mom side her more then me.

I dont feel good.

angry

2010-02-13T18:54:00.001+08:00

FUCK NEW YEAR.

I AM NOT GOING TO GO ANY VISITING.

FUCK IT.

Ladies Night

2010-02-11T20:11:00.001+08:00

Went powerhouse yesterday for Brandon's official ORD party. & was having HORRIBLE gastric. I mean HORRIBLE. Thanks Serene, Caleb & Vincent for buying medicine for me. Really sorry to trouble you guys. & thanks Aster when I was puking. OMG. & thanks Brandon for taking care of me. & calling people to look out for me. Thanks lots people.

& I overslept for c-com test today. OMG. Last day of Temasek Poly. I didnt do much. I had a fruitful 3 years :)

art of concealing.

2010-02-10T00:35:00.001+08:00

I wanna learn the art of concealing. I will not be able to open up my heart again. Falling in love, was just wrong from the start. I will just cover up everything that is going through my brain and show the world that MEL is happy. I dont care whether if it is lying to myself, or bringing myself down and stuff. That is the most I can do to salvage myself from all this open wounds. The fact that the previous wound is still open and bleeding. & here comes another one.

No, I wont be a stupid little girl who believe in what people tell me anymore. Everytime I trust them, it turn out to be lies. Dont even mention about 50%, I cant even believe 0.5% of the things you say. This is how much I was hurt.

I am really unhappy.

I dont know who to talk too.

I dont know what to do.

& this is how horrible and weak I am

if dying will reset everything, I dont mind

I know it wouldnt

发现自己其实脆弱不敢说

fuck you understand

2010-02-08T00:09:00.000+08:00

WHEN I FUCKING NEED TO CLARIFY THINGS WITH YOU

YOU ARE FUCKING UN-CONTACTABLE!

THANKS ARH.

ALL THIS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED.

fucking regret.

fucking waste my time.

FUCK YOU!

this sucks.

2010-02-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

What am I, to you?

傷了痛了懂了, 就能好了嗎?

I am very confused.

I need answers.

random

2010-02-03T02:06:00.000+08:00

I think that this picture is really nice. Found it while doing project. I sense a storm coming. And will the umbrella be able to save me? I hope it will.

Enough of these confusion

Tell me what are you thinking

Please? Will you?

monday blues.

2010-02-01T22:13:00.001+08:00

我在临时抱佛脚!

Tomorrow is DMSD's submission and I am only half way done only. Okay I can sense doomsday coming. & I got no mood to do. Is always like that.

I was brought to heaven,

Then drag down to hell.

DAMN!

JOKE OF THE DAY.

2010-02-01T01:04:00.000+08:00

FUCKING JOKE OF THE DAY.

I LAUGHED SO HARD THAT I CANT SLEEP NOW.

I dont know how to explain in my blog. But yah, seriously, I swear, cross my heart and whatsoever. IS REALLY FUCKING FUNNY. Summary, is actually a guy(A) who is totally horrible and stuff. Super bad reputation. Can get girls. Hahahahahas. & the guys are like cursing and swearing away. Jetson was swearing and I though was over. When Joel happened to know A was giving the same reaction. IS LIKE DAMN FUNNY LAHH. & after reading the girl's(A's newly hooked up girl) blog, thats it. I laughed like no body business. I FUCKING SWEAR IS DAMN FUNNY.

I think my karma is coming for laughing so much at people.

I am really happy today :)

Like finally?

Dont know.

Hope things stay the way it is. :)

what the fuck.

2010-01-31T15:32:00.001+08:00

SERIOUSLY, HOW CHILDISH CAN A 23 YEAR OLD REGULAR BE?

NA BEI, FUCKING SPOIL MOOD.

Then I have to see his face right in front of me for an hour plus. WTF WTF WTF WTF. I am fucking pissed. If I am childish too, so be it. I just wanna say hi and fuck off. & not hi to you. Is you SO HAPPEN TO BE THERE. Dont think so highly of yourself please.

& sorry Sheryl. :(

the last text.

2010-01-30T01:43:00.001+08:00

The last text broke my heart instantly.

I hate to admit it but yah,

You are someone that cant be substituted.

How can you say that so easily?

Ouch, it really hurts.

Whenever I look at the keyboard,

I & U is always beside each other.

Yet you are so far away.

No where near my reach.

I am holding on to something,

That use to be there,

Hoping it will come back,

Knowing that it wont.

So I decide to slowly let go.

I am lying, but I will try.

I am happy.

I manage to meet pillar lai today.

& I still miss you as much.

birthday

2010-01-29T09:39:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

Finally I had the chance to tell you happy birthday. Although it didnt end up the way I expected, I am still happy that you stayed awake just to hear me say what I want to say. Though you already know it all along. You know the conversation will end up in a situation you don't like. You still bear with me. I know how much it hurts to let you hear me again and stuff. You still did all this for me. Thanks.

When I turn back and look.

I realised that I made the right choice.

excitement

2010-01-28T00:22:00.001+08:00

Book my Thailand trip tickets. Dates, 27/2 - 1/3. Went through lots of wuha. Sheryl almost cannot go. After all the persuading and stuff. Finally, book tickets, dont think so much. :))))

&&& I got my wisdom tooth out :(

bangkok

2010-01-27T01:28:00.000+08:00

So is finally decided. I will be going Bangkok on 26-28 February. & my paper ends at 25 feb. Is like finally. & if possible I wanna go on a getaway trip during June. Singapore is just getting boring. Going with my beloved neighbour, Sheryl. Only like both of us. Super looking forward to it :)

There is a couple of things I want.
1. DSLR
2. iPhone (like finally feel like getting 1)
3. Burberry bag. (is a want not a need)

Do you still think of me?

Well, I still do.

Lets keep things this way.

The fate we have is over.

yoshi, my one and only love

2010-01-25T23:49:00.002+08:00

MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE YOSHI :)

Was feeling bored. So played with my hair. Looking at youtube, learning how to tie and bun my hair. I think my hair is boring. &&& was like photo-taking session with YOSHI :) I am like playing with them now. Showing them off on facebook & staring at them like never seen one before. OMG, they are just super duper uper cute. I want more in the family. :)))))

& idiot Jetson Lai says I bully my yoshi.

says that every night

1 yoshi report to work

7 report sick!!!!

He dont know how much I love them.

BLEAH!!!!

fuck indecisive

2010-01-24T20:45:00.001+08:00

INDECISIVE PEOPLE ARE JUST IRRITATING.

I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE INDECISIVE

I am happy today :)
I bought a baby yoshi!!!

Can I believe in that again?

marina barrage

2010-01-23T13:14:00.002+08:00

Went to marina barrage with Sheryl, Andrew & Joel yesterday. OMG was the first time. But the funny thing is I went on the 22. LOL. I am suppose to go with Weijing, but didn't have chance. Ended up went there at 22. I am in that shadow ehh. Well, was a pretty place. Played with a Lumix camera. Was fun. Although the pictures I took was HORRIBLE. Some pictures I took.

The rest was deleted.

Andrew's beautiful photos :)

Thats all

Last of all,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY :)

to you.

2010-01-21T01:16:00.001+08:00

I dont know are you reading my blog not. But I just wanna try my luck. So here it goes.

Next week is your birthday. So I hope that I could say Happy Birthday to you at 0000. I never had a chance to do that since like a few years ago. So I just wanna do it this year. Will you just like stay awake for the one last time? Just for me. Do me this favor. Will you? Please. At least let me fulfill this promise. Is just a birthday wish as a friend.

If time turn back, I will still choose the same way.
Feeling the happiness again
& also the pain & disappointment I went through
I have no regrets.

& the fact is
I am slowly letting everything go.
like finally...

Would this idiot stop confusing me?

Tell me how you think.

I know you understand english

so yah,

YOU ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE

head is splitting

2010-01-19T00:10:00.001+08:00

I having a very terrible headache since morning. When ITECH class for like 30min, then went home. Seriously, very painful. Slept twice, still as painful.

The headache is so bad that I feel like taking my head to bang the wall.

!@#$%^&*()_

Things are in a way that i cant comprehend anymore.

I need answers from you.

will you give me?

distant

2010-01-17T21:05:00.002+08:00

Suddenly, I feel so distant. How?

blank mind

2010-01-17T07:52:00.001+08:00

I have no idea what to blog. But I just feel like blogging. Nothing to blog about school. Neither to blog about weekends. Like my weekend is a routine. Like what else I do? Seriously, come to think of it. How many weekends I haven't been home sleeping & ended up either clubbing, chalet or late night movie. Come to think of it, it seems like last year October. Like seriously, my parents is going to get angry soon. But come again, I am really thankful that they didn't stop me. They trust me. So I will do my part to be good.

Anyways, I know quite a number of awesome people. & got close to alot of people that I knew for years. Really really happy about it.

TO YITING FAM: Thanks alot for worrying for me and stuff. Thanks for being there for me and assuring me that if I am not okay, I could just give you a text, and you will come for me. That is really very assuring. I am really blessed to have you as a friend. And I will also assure you that, if you need any help. I will be there for you. Is at your call. Thanks my dear friend :)

I AM GOING TO STOP ****-ING

DEFINITELY!!

sucide

2010-01-14T16:51:00.000+08:00

I am trying to like kill myself.

LOL

Basically I survived on something else instead of food.

After that, I dont have appetite to eat anything.

What is happening??

thinking of....

2010-01-13T03:05:00.001+08:00

I am thinking of someone.

& I am not going to say who is it :)

I feel like playing this game,

Should I?

forgetful

2010-01-11T23:09:00.003+08:00

I left both my phone & wallet at home and left for school.

How much more forgetful can I be?

& I went home to get stuff, I was locked out outside

for like 1 hour +

cause maid went out.

what a lucky day!

&&& some joker got the wrong time & went work at 0830 instead of 1630. Well I cant be laughing, because I was equally unlucky. Was sitting outside the door like a idiot. Felt lucky that I had a sofa outside. Couldnt make it in time for class. OMG I am scared to attend DMSD class.

I still have 10 more to do for visual journal.

I dont know what to do.

Feel like photoshop-ing a new wallpaper.

I am starting to think.

Still in a complete dilemma.

club club & more club

2010-01-10T19:37:00.000+08:00

Joke of the month

My mom went to dragonfly yesterday

while her daughter was at powerhouse.

OH MY GOD!

Yah, she was the one whom call me and ask where am I. & said that she wanna come. So I told her to go dragonfly instead. If she saw how horrible am I in powerhouse. There goes my clubbing sessions.

Anyways, I am starting to get bored about clubs. I think I will slowly cut down on it. Is hurting my health. My voice is like still !@#$%^&*()_ But well, I had fun.

& my visual journal is still empty.

The guy who rock the night. DJ KZEE!!!

hello sexy voice

2010-01-09T11:19:00.000+08:00

I lose my voice for a week

& is getting from bad to worst!

When powerhouse last min last night. Reached there like 1am??? Is crazy. Drink quite little, but was quite noob. Abit high LOL. Then Ben & Darren got activated back to camp at 3am, so I was with Joshua instead. OMG SAW ZHAO YUAN & THEODOR!! Super happy. Didn't see them for like years. Seriously.

What should I do for Celeste tonight? & my art visual journal is due on Wednesday. I am dead.

I want my voice back!!

Last week clubbing session. We should take more pictures!!!

a pillar to lai on

2010-01-06T00:25:00.003+08:00

I am starting to be dependent on this someone. Every word this someone say I will listen. & and things don't go well with that somoone I don't feel good. Every single day, there must be some communication, else I will be some lost sheep. Feeling lost and don't know what to do next. The only time I really laugh is when talking to this someone.

But when it boils down to the baseline of romance, there is just something missing. Something that cannot be explain. Maybe because of my past, I don't know. There is alot running in my mind now, none can be solved. Often I will ask myself: "Do I have any romance interest for him" Often the answer will be: "No" but nowadays become: "don't know" But I still see Weijing when I ask myself. So the answer will still be "No".

The only thing that is very clear to me now. If you wouldn't there for me, I can't imagine how bad will things become. Also, you are someone important to me. An important friend, a very important one. So, even when I become independent again. Continue to be my friend. I can't afford losing someone important again. If the next time comes, I really will just fall and never stand up again.

You are NOT a substitute, not for my cousin, not for Weijing. Remember this.

& I have ZERO confidence in everything.

There is a person

Came into my life

Healed my heart

Then blast a hole

& walked out

But I still miss him

if that is what you think. fine.

2010-01-04T23:55:00.001+08:00

If fucking off make you feel better.

Then I will do it.

If keeping everything makes you feel better.

Then continue.

If leaving me makes you happier.

Then don't ever come back anymore.

I mean every word I say.

How would you feel if someone tells you that we cant be together. The reason was can't be told just because he cant put it in words. How would you feel? Devastated right?

So much for saying "I just want you to be happy". So much for assuring how much you love me.

IS ALL BULLSHIT!!!!

好心被雷劈

2010-01-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

I always bring trouble to people!!!

做好人真难。

this is weird.

2010-01-03T14:29:00.000+08:00

被爱拒绝的感觉

好比看着心上人

对你无动于衷

明明知道却当做

什么事也没有

无奈。

People come and go as they like

thinking that everything they judge

is correct.

what about the person they leave behind?

Is she ready?

FUCK NO!

Love fucking died on me too many times.

What is love? Is just a torturing feeling.

hello 2010. hello big 20

2010-01-01T22:58:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 2010!!!!

&&& hello big 20. Omg I am not in my teens anymore. & I had my countdown at Sentosa. Though it wasn't as happening as I thought it was. I was like over the top. I was with SUPER UPER AWESOME PEOPLE.

YITINGFAM

EVONNELOH

JETSONCHUA

Partying with them marks the end of my 2009. &&& a super uper awesome year ahead. Also with a few more. Benjamin & friend. & abit of Brandon and gang. I super love this people to bits.

Random Resolution

I am going to stop skipping class. & graduate the fuck out of TP.

Goodbye 2009.

Goodbye heartbreaks.

Goodbye love.

Hello dreams.

new year resolution

2009-12-31T02:08:00.001+08:00

Last day of 2009. Time to list my new year resolution & what happened during this year.

Happenings.

January: Celebrated with Kenny his birthday at Rab Bar. A better one will come next year.

February: Ended the relationship with Desmond. At the same time, started 1 with Wei Jing.

March: Was rather happy with my new relationship. Hanged out with David & gang. Did alot of crazy stuff

April: Borrowed Dad's car for a night and went out with David & gang. Crazy night though. Had fun. Started my attachment at CAE Singapore.

May: Went to Henderson Wave with Weijing. Was my first visit, liked that place. Had the last proper outing with Weijing, was 2 movies. Dance Subaru & Night at museum 2.

June: Things went really sour. Heartbroken. Attachment sucks. Went Thailand.

July: Over-time, over-time & more over-time at attachment. & 30 July, we broke up.

August: Birthday was horrible. Fell sick, heartbroken, crumpled. Started going shifu house. Got my jap cert B1.

September: Started working at supersteam. Know new people. Holidays. Keep visiting shifu house. Still heartbroken.

October: Stopped Shifu house. Started helping at Kenny's market. & last Friday of holiday, started clubbing. Still heartbroken.

November: Started school. Normal. Started clubbing every week. Know alot of new people.& the same time, thought I let go, but was wrong.

Decemeber: Continue clubbing life. Met up alot of long lost friends. Know new & fun people. Kenny got attached to a really nice girl. & after overdosing of alcohol, finally made a fool of myself. Broke-down. & still heartbroken, like a kid.

This is somewhat I remember. A year of my life, really.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION!!

1. Graduate from TP.

2. Futher my studies at Japan.

3. Work, & save.

4. Try to heal myself from this relationship.

5. Don't fall in love with someone so crazily again.

6. Never be trusting again.

WISH MEL ALL THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!

& MEL WISHES ALL HER FRIENDS A FRUITFUL 2010!!!!!

Power of all relationship lies who ever cares less.

So you wont get hurt.

random

2009-12-29T23:39:00.000+08:00

Thinking of my new year resolution.

2009, was not a bad year.

I went into a relationship of my life.

Had lots of ups and downs.

Know alot of new people. Understand alot of stuff too.

Thanks everyone making this year a fruitful one.

& next year will be a better one.

The year where I start to pursue my dreams!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2009-12-25T15:45:00.000+08:00

Ho Ho Ho

Merry Christmas Everyone. Enjoy your day.

I quite enjoyed my Christmas though things happened. But thanks Evon for the chalet yesterday. Was super uper fun! Drink like mad & stuff. Met Ken & gang awhile also. Didnt take pictures though :(

Looking forward to countdown party!!!!

finally sleeping.

2009-12-22T00:04:00.002+08:00

I am super happy.

I slept till 7pm.

I decide to face everything.

And stand on my own feet.

MEL CAN DO IT.

If I were to fall again.

I will stand up again.

Even it takes a lifetime.

face the fucking reality

2009-12-20T07:33:00.003+08:00

Okay, I am perfectly sober! Even I drunk fucking lot just now.

I will fucking face the reality so you better be fucking reading it!

This is my confession.

1. I fucking cant get over you.

2. I really really wanna get over with it. Is really killing me.

3. I really really wanna see you again.

4. I am also really scared to see you. I don't know what to do if I met up with you.

5. Those things I said that I let go, move on, or something along this line. IS ALL FUCKING LYING TO MYSELF.

6. I am fucking scared of another relationship. Seriously FUCKING SCARED.

7. & I realised I am a SUPER UPER FUCKING LUCKY BITCH. I have really good people around me. Seriously thanks. I am just a FUCKED UP BITCH, yet you guys just stayed with me.

8. Lastly, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I wanna change to be a stronger person, I wanna get over and done with. I want to be happy. HELP!!!!!

St James was crazy today.

I saw hell lot of people, let me name.

Lewis, Javier, Daryl, Jun Xiang, Yin Sheng, Edwin, Wei Ting,

Cassandra, Brandon, K, Eric & maybe I forget some others.

Clubbed with Yiting, Kenneth, Clayton, Randal, Calvin + gang,

Pillar Lai (lol) + friends.

All the long lost friends. OMG OMG

Maddy's 21st

2009-12-19T15:10:00.000+08:00

Went to Maddy's 21st yesterday, at some condo around Geylang area. Was quite fun, theme was pink and silver, and cute??? OMG. that theme almost killed me. Celeste dressed in a tutu, Cheeri was in school uniform. Super Uper cute :) & I was playing with Celeste's pink hairband.

Maddy's bear featuring Terry & Mel's specs :)

Went powerhouse after that. Bored like !@#$%^&*()_

1 week of holidays has passed.

I haven done ANYTHING.

christmas wishlist

2009-12-18T00:33:00.001+08:00

Christmas is in a week time. Suppose to celebrate with someone. Well, forget it. My Christmas is still to be confirm. Well, at least have plans. & I am going to party. I think... Christmas, what should I prepare for friends? &&& my Christmas wishlist is E-M-P-T-Y. When my beloved Sheryl ask me, "what you want for Christmas?" & I think and think and is empty. OMG OMG. I seriously dont know what I want. Burberry Brit? But my Femme is still full. Damn.

Suggestions anyone?

I thought we could celebrate together.

Well, no one can predict the future.

Best wishes for tomorrow :)

I give you my luck.

holidays is good.

2009-12-16T22:07:00.000+08:00

I am enjoying my holidays to the fullest, I dont know what day is today. Club, slack, stayovers, chalet. I am making full use of my holidays to have fun. No work done. Okay, I have to do my U-art soon, MMNS & Netsec also.

Went Xing Yao's chalet yesterday at Sentosa Coasta Sands. Seriously, is nice a its own way. But is super inconvenient. No car = die. They drank like beer after beer. Goodness. &&& I AM FUCKING ALLERGIC TO BEER. ZOMG!!!!! !@#$%^&*()_ Please mummy dont find out. If not there goes my night life.

Monday slacked with Calvin at 400+. Talk damn lot of cock.

Life's good. Have fun.

Are you leading your happy life?

power house.

2009-12-13T12:00:00.000+08:00

Kenny is in the army now. Sent him of to Tekong, super stuck there for 5 hours. Damn long. &&& He found himself a good girl :)

Watch Feng Yun on Friday. Is a SUPER WASTE OF TIME. So 10 years ago they produce nicer movie ehh. Damn retarded movie. Super regret. Met up with ahwei next.

Met Calvin to go power house with his friend. Finally got my member card. Thanks Calvin's friends sharing price with me. & my card is red woooo :) Super fun duper funnn. Despite seeing Brandon so many times there, was the first time clubbing with him yesterday. Met like lots of friends, and Jason aka as Brandon aka Lucus came. LOL.

Happy shalala. :)

hello holidays :)

2009-12-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

HELLO HOLIDAYS

GOODBYE EXAMS :)

Is like the last holiday of poly already, if I graduate on time. I must graduate on time. Looking super forward to holidays, beside the reports that have to complete, every else is GOOD :)))) I wanna go on a shopping spree. I need new clothings. I have alot of things I wanna do and need to do.

I am happy :)

I am just a fucking hypocrite.

past

2009-12-08T21:52:00.008+08:00

如果还有遗憾, 是分手那天, 我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来。

若那一刻重来, 我不哭, 让他知道我可以, 很好。

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望

我已终于放弃了

我会忘记，然后往前看

The last thing I need from you.
Tell me you are okay and happy.
& this will make things alot better.

The packet of sweet is still there untouched.

I am glad I didnt eat it.

It ended up the first and last.

burberry black/blue label

2009-12-07T19:50:00.002+08:00

Fucking tell me that I am crazy. I am super duper uper fucking in love with BURBERRY!!!! The wallets are nice, for men though. The perfume damn nice. The checks are cool. The coats are like super love. The bags are love. The models are gorgeous especially Emma Watson. & besides the horse. EVERYTHING ELSE IS GOOD!!!

I wanna buy a Burberry myself. I mean by myself is I use my own money. Not parents, not a gift, solely from my salary. Yes, I got a goal. The first label I am fucking crazy over!!!!!

LASTLY

COMMENTS IS ENABLED. YOU CAN COMMENT ANY THING :)))

Burberry makes me CRAZYYY!!!

spamming blog.

2009-12-07T02:55:00.000+08:00

How many post can I post a day? Suddenly I got alot to blog. Like really. Basically, alot have been happening this year. Lose someone important, break up, attached, school, break up, projects, friends. & I think that I am a fucking blessed kid. I have great people around me. I think that I am troubling them, but to them is not. They want me to say my problems out so I wont feel so horrible. They wants me to be happy. Whats more can I ask for? Thanks lots. I know you guys want me to stand on my feet. I know I can, please trust me & give me time. Actually I got alot more to say, but my mind is just blank.

Christmas is coming. Thinking about what should I do for friends?

Dsquared He wood better?

or Burberry Brit for Men?

I think there goes Net Sec.

knock out

2009-12-06T17:00:00.002+08:00

I know is super unglamorous and stuff to be like that yesterday. What happened was not very clear but I know that I was making a scene. Feeling very bad though, cause I troubled alot of people but well, thanks. I think I emptied partial of my cup. & is like I really do feel a little better. Thanks for being there for me my beloved neighbour, pillar lai & Yiting :)

Power of all relationship lies who ever cares less

so that you wont get hurt.

how many more days?

2009-12-05T17:31:00.003+08:00

How many more days to Christmas eve? Is going to be a year already. Is coming back to me already. The pain of losing someone. Is back, if I can turn back time, I will like to apologise to you for being so reckless. But cant right?

19 more days to your 1st anniversary.

I know you are always watching me.

The last song you sent to me.

Flightless bird - American Mouth.

I found this on facebook, is super true.

Being cautious with your generosity is the keynote for you today, Leo, because the Moon brings a good deal of sympathy and energy into your sign. When these two mix, the spirit of warmth and helpfulness that is one of the best aspects of your character can become over-stimulated, and you could allow your energy or financial resources be drained by those who are always looking for a source of support in others, rather than in themselves. It's alright to say no, and since your memory is strong today, let it help guide your decisions.

changing

2009-12-04T18:59:00.001+08:00

Why is everybody so bothered about how people look at them?

Why people change because someone said they dont like them?

Why are we changing for people?

If we are happy the way we are, why change?

If changing to the way people want you to be,

are you still you?

& will you be happy after changing?

Why do things for the sake of others?

If changing for people make you unhappy, then dont change.

Live for yourself not others.

I dont need to change for people to like me.

If you are okay with me. Then I will be your friend.

Else, go find your kind of people.

Dont bother to try,

We were never in the same frequency to start with.

This was told by someone.

& slapped me awake.

substitute

2009-12-04T02:42:00.000+08:00

Is going to be a year soon. I tried leaving with it. But as December get nearer, my heart gets heavier. I miss you so much. I cant do without you. Kor, if I wasnt so stubborn, will you still be here? Kor, I really miss you very much. Rest in peace. Thanks for everything.

There is someone who have the same feeling as you.

But isnt it unfair to the person.

Instead of looking at the person, I am looking at you.

Kor, I am sorry for everything.

Thanks for giving me someone who resembles you.

Thanks you. You are my life.

understanding art again.

2009-12-01T21:07:00.002+08:00

I SERIOUSLY SUCK AT ART.

Why is this CDS name understanding art, but I cant understand a single shit. The mask is a total disaster! I use my nail polish top coat to finish the mask. Smart right? Nail polish is cheaper :))))

I skipped school today. Didnt wanna go school.

& I have a bad dream last night.

When will my turn come?
I think it came.
I am still having a fantasy.

dont try me

2009-12-01T10:20:00.002+08:00

I hate people who hang up my calls.

I can accept anything but that.

Have that in you brains.

photos.

2009-11-29T21:37:00.002+08:00

Photos update for labrador park :)

Weekly routine.

Monday - Thursday: School.

Friday: Out. (Doing random things)

Saturday: Club (most prob)

Sunday: After club sleep till late afternoon.

Is a slow suicidal lifestyle.

I have a fantasy.

Can I?

something is jus not right

2009-11-29T06:37:00.000+08:00

Rotted at home today the whole day. Kenneth wedding dinner was okay. Food was nice. Congrats to Mr & Mrs Ng :)

Woooo St James again. Music was great. But I think something else went wrong. I need someone to talk too. I am confused.

Public hols on a fri

2009-11-28T05:17:00.002+08:00

Went to picnic with Celeste and her cell group at labrador park today. It rained awhile. But was relaxing though :)

Went Rebel for the first time. Super boring. I think I am never going to go there again. Saw Joel there!!! Happy. Became a good chap eh. I need a good sleep. Going to club again tomorrow. Today's club was quite last min though.

I passed by your house a few time today.

But, it doesnt affect me anymore.

Seriously, I am pissed with you.

Fucking pissed.

Go ahead and lead your happy life.

hyper

2009-11-27T00:17:00.002+08:00

Not enough sleep, now feeling super high. Dont know why. During Jap class was like feeling restless and high. Anyways is getting more complicated now.

School was okay today, overslept for ccom class. Passed net-sec borderline. Happy enough.

What should I wear for wedding dinner?

FUCK OFF FUCKER!

PLEASE DONT COME NEAR ME.

GO FAR FAR FAR AWAY.

I HATE YOU.

YOU SPOIL T MY GOOD DAY.

FUCK YOU!

lack of sleep

2009-11-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

I didnt sleep the whole night and helped someone with project, and wasnt appreciated. Quite sians though, but who cares. End up I skipped school too. Did nothing and look at my com today.

36hours of no sleep.
I am dying.

蓮の花

2009-11-24T04:08:00.000+08:00

I got a crazy idea in mind. I wanna lotus tattoo on my neck. Mum quite agree and once dad agree, I am going to go ahead. Got a few designs in mine already. :))

2012

2009-11-22T12:11:00.004+08:00

Caught 2012 yesterday. Was okay, graphics was good. But like something missing somewhere, maybe storyline kinda expected. There is a couple of movie I wanna watch, Twilight, Feng Yun & maybe Tooth Fairy??

Gonna be a busy week.

Updates for Heineken Green Room

Thats all the rest is with Celeste.

I know what to do

Thanks lots.

For being a listening ear.

I have enough of rich people.

Heineken Green Room

2009-11-21T04:09:00.001+08:00

Worked for Heineken Green Room again. Thanks Daphne :))) &&& is really fun. Worked with alot of great people. Celeste, Daphne, Xin Yi, Nicole, Wei Ting, Eileen & Kai Xin. & saw Sara there. Will upload photos soon. Everything is with Celeste and Daphne.

Anyways, I screwed up MP Judging today. Okay I am dead. But whatever, is finally over.

Had fun.

When was the last time,

that I smile and laugh

like that?

muddle-head

2009-11-18T21:18:00.002+08:00

I left home without my wallet today. I was holding it but when I reached school, realised that it was on my sofa. Quiz was okay today. Did some stupid thing as usual. Skipped CDS & APEL today. LOL

Things to do!!

1. Report for CCOM (19/11)

2. NetSec Quiz (19/11)

3. Doomsday (Judging) (20/11)

4. Study for iTech requiz (Maybe monday?)

5. Some proj (22/11)

6. U-Art Mask & write out. (25/11)
7. DMSD Quiz (23/11)

8. MMNS Quiz (24/11)

okay mel is so dead.

Sat will come true.

Please.
& I feel like I was being seen through,
how long haven I felt this?

i started blogging again

2009-11-17T21:39:00.003+08:00

Okay, I didn't know that I unknowingly started blogging again. It became a daily routine that I type blogger and started blogging. The views of my blog is like dying, but who cares is been read not. And I became more active on facebook and msn. So weird. Okay I am random.

MP judging like on Friday. Judges will be like Barnabas and Hew Ka Kien. Barnabas like the well known for "shooting". Okay I am so dead. No preparation, forgot what I have done. Pray hard for me, thanks :))))

Quiz week.
MCom tomorrow and I haven touched it yet.
Wish me best of luck. I am going to die.

tell me percentage of possibility

i am referring to other stuff

not emo stuff :))))

OH!!! I drank coffee today.

Goodbye sleep!!!!!